Raise Your Weapon
by Sushi Chi
Summary: Derek writes books, Stiles acts them, and a barista gets a surprise.


******Disclaimer: Alas, I don't own Teen Wolf.  
**A/N: Oh God, what am I even doing with my life.  


"So," the reporter shoved the microphone into Derek's face, "tell me about your relationship with Stiles Stilinski."

Derek glared at her and let out a growl, "I don't really think that's any of your business." He shook his head, "We are here at the Oscars to celebrate other things than my relationship with Stiles why the hell would you even ask something like that." Giving a look if disappointment, he turned and continued on down the red carpet.

The reporter stood with her mouth open when Stiles appeared in front of her, itching his ear, "Sorry about him. He's in a mood today because we were out of cinnamon raisin toast and he didn't get any for breakfast. Also his uncle made him wear a tie and he hates ties."

"His uncle?" The reporter asked, glad that Stiles started talking to her.

"Oh yeah. Nice guy. Little weird but whatever." Stiles shrugged. He then turned toward where Derek stalked off and yelled, "Hey! We should celebrate our relationship every day. Even during the Oscars."

The reporter heard a "Shut up, Stiles!"

Stiles smiled fondly and turned to the camera, "He likes to cuddle. Bet you didn't see that coming did you? Yep, big into cuddling. And um, his favorite flavor of candy is the cherry kind and I think part of that is because it's red and he imagines he's chewing the limbs off the people he hates and the red is the blood and stuff." He shrugged, "And he likes the cinnamon raisin bread because cinnamon."

"Of course." The reporter said. "But can you tell me more about how your relationship with Derek Hale is going?"

"Good, great." Stiles smirked, "The sex is so fantastic! I mean he just takes the-"

Derek's hand covered Stiles' mouth, "Come along, dear." Derek's voice was tight and harsh, "Away from the cameras." He dragged Stiles away.

But the camera managed to capture Stiles yelling, "But the camera loves me!"

Then Derek said something in Stiles' ear and Stiles seemed to have melted into Derek's arms.

Scott McCall then appeared in front of the camera, "He probably just said that he loved Stiles more than the camera. He's horribly sappy like that."

Scott turned around and then let out a frightened noise as Derek's glare was directed at him. "Sorry, got to go." He quickly walked away from the camera.

The reporter soon got distracted by another celebrity walking past to bother with Stiles grabbing Derek's tie and pulling him in close for a kiss.

{{{|

Stiles walked out to the stage and smiled and waved to the audience clapping. Getting closer to the middle of the stage, he hugged the host of the late night talk show and sat in the comfy seat. He bounced a few times on the cushion, only stopping when the host cleared his throat. "Sorry but it's so bouncy and Derek doesn't like it if I jump on the furniture." He paused, "Even if it's my furniture that I bought."

"You looked very pleased with yourself, I'll give you that." The host said.

"It's great fun." Stiles grinned, "Have you ever sat here? It's fantastic! Let's trade places." He started to climb over the desk as the host laughed and walked around and took the seat Stiles was just in.

"This is very bouncy." The host agreed. "I don't know why I don't sit out here more often."

Stiles smirked from behind the desk. "Because the guests always want the good seats."

The host laughed, "Of course. Well, welcome Stiles Stilinski. It's nice of you to take time out of your busy filming schedule to see us."

"It's a pleasure." Stiles leaned back in the chair behind the desk.

"So let's talk a bit about the new movie?" The host suggested.

"Of course. Third movie out of a five, and things are getting darker now. You all know this, as I'm sure you've all read the fantastic books that Derek Hale wrote." Stiles spoke to the audience who applauded.

"And you play the villain, right?" The host asked.

"Yes. I am Haden Dry. He's great, isn't he? Because, well, I don't think he's that bad, not really." Stiles said.

"In the first five minutes of the first movie he murders his mom." The host said.

Stiles held out his hands, "Maybe growing up she never let him eat candy or never made him breakfast. Think about that. Growing up without chocolate or bacon. It would make someone turn dark."

"Yet you said he's more evil in this one?" the host asked.

"Yes, but you also get to learn more of his backstory." Stiles said.

"Which lacks bacon." The host's voice held a hint of a laugh.

"No bacon was in any scene. Which is sad. I would love to be paid to eat bacon." Stiles sighed thoughtfully. "I think I'm going to have bacon later."

The host laughed. "Sounds like a plan." He paused and shook his head, "I'm sorry, but I'm just so used to seeing you on screen as Haden and, well, all I can say is that you are a fantastic actor."

The audience cheered and Stiles blushed. "I bet you say that to all the actors."

"So, you're dating Derek Hale, the author of the Time Turning books which are now movies." the host said. "Tell us about that."

"We met through the movies, of course. And I was already a big fan of his, having read the books. Unsurprisingly he hadn't heard of me, I hadn't done many well known things by that time. A friendship started, he pretended he didn't enjoy spending time with me, but he didn't kick me out of his house like he would to others who stopped by."

"How did you guys go from being friends to being romantically involved?" The host asked.

Stiles smirked, he had been asked that a lot and he and Derek had agreed that it was their story and they didn't need to share it. So whenever Stiles was asked, he came up with a new fake story, usually more eleaborate each time. "I invited him over because I needed to change a light bulb but the light bulbs were in the basement and that is a frightening place of tunnels and darkness and werewolves, so I gave him one of my grandpa's swords and I grabbed my battle ax and we ventured down for lightbulbs.

"Down there we encountered the dreaded alpha werewolf and had to battle him, I got gravely injured and that's when Derek realized that he couldn't live without me and so he slayed the beast and then grabbed the lightbulbs. He helped me upstairs and then he had to nurse me back to health."

The host laughed, "Maybe you should take up writing as well. Co-author a book! Who else agrees?"

The audience cheered.

"Well, it's been great talking to you Stiles, you'll have to come again sometime." The host said with a grin.

"Of course, and maybe next time I'll let you stay behind the desk." Stiles joked.

{{{|

The barista wasn't paying much attention to who was in the line, but he did catch a voice scolding someone, "Battling a werewolf?"

"Yeah." Another voice responded. "Hey, we agreed we weren't going to tell everyone about the fanfic I used to write and the porn I wrote and how we decided to try out that-"

"Yes, we agreed on that." The one voice said. "But your stories are getting out of hand."

"The host said I should be a writer." The other voice sounded amused, "If only they knew about my horrible attempts."

"They are really bad." The first agreed before appearing at the front of the line.

The barista didn't look at their faces, he had found long ago that you stop a lot of conversation and conflict by not looking customer's in the face. "What can I get you?"

"Caramel latte and a chai tea. Both large." The man said.

"Name?" The barista asked, marker ready to finish writing on the cups.

"Derek Hale."

The barista stopped himself from snorting. That was the third 'Derek Hale' that week. He told the man how much he owed and the two men both sat down and waited for their order.

Since they weren't that busy, the barista had to fix their drinks and call their name. This time, when he said 'Derek Hale', he accidentally looked at them as they walked up. "Oh my God. You are actually Derek Hale."

Stiles snickered. "Yes he is."

"I'm sorry, it's just that we had two other people this week using his name, because it's fun to use a fake name and so I had assumed it wasn't really him." The barista felt his face flush.

"Not a problem." Derek said.

"Do people use my name?" Stiles asked, bouncing on his feet.

"Yes. And the characters from the Time Turning series." The barista answered. "We've actually had a Haden at the same time as a Liam and they acted out some dialogue and a battle."

"That is awesome." Stiles said, clearly very excited about this idea.

After they left the barista realized he overheard how they actually got together and decided he may attempt to find Stiles' horrible fanfiction.

{{{|

The cashier stared off into space until she heard a loud, "What? We didn't break up."

Looking over she saw a man staring at a tabloid in horror. "Sir?"

The man balled up the tabloid.

"Sir, you'll have to pay for that." She told him, voice stern.

"I refuse." The man said.

"You have to, if you don't I'll have to call my manager." She said.

He rolled his eyes and sighed, "Fine." He was clearly doing it under protest.

After she gave him the receipt he stormed off, muttering angrily. She soon put that out of her mind.

But once she was home she turned on the television to some entertainment news and was surprised to see a story about how a famous author by the name of Derek Hale getting angry in a store about a tabloid story that claimed he and his longtime partner, Stiles Stilinski broke up and how the cashier made him pay for the tabloid.

"Holy shit." She said, dropping the remote.

{{{|

It was bound to happen, they knew it. Fangirls were crazy about their relationship and the you didn't encounter more fangirls than at a convention.

"How is the love-making?" One of them asked.

Derek balked at the term but Stiles smiled, "Really great, actually."

Stiles looked at Derek and gave him a kiss. They had decided that at the first question about their relationship that they would announce the news, so Derek leaned forward to the microphone. "More than really great. A few weeks ago Stiles stormed into our house and slammed his hand on the table before loudly asking me to marry him."

The crowd exploded with noise and when the moderators finally got them to quiet down, Stiles said, "He agreed."

{{{|

They were walking down the street, when a kid screamed, pushed her mom behind her. She then grabbed a stick and held it out like a sword.

"Oh God. Not again." Derek sighed.

Stiles stared at the girl, "A Warrior?" He hissed out, changing his voice to Haden's.

"You won't hurt my mom." She pointed the stick more in Stiles' direction. "Pick up your weapon."

Stiles bent down and picked up a stick as well. "A battle then." He said.

Derek stood next to the mom who was ready to apologize from her child, "Do you want pictures of this? If you do, write down your email address and I'll send them to you." He sounded very bored.

"I-" she said, blinking, "Yes, of course."

"Okay then." Derek then pulled out a camera and started taking some pictures.

Stiles was putting on a decent fight, it seemed. Derek rolled his eyes, "Stiles, we have reservations that we have to get to. Hurry up and die, already."

The mom frowned at him. "I've seen you in interviews and the like, and my God. You really are an ass."

"Yep. And I'm still going to email you pictures of your kid defeating my fiancé with a stick. You're welcome." Derek said, taking another picture.

{{{|

The paparazzi was hoping someone would answer his ad. He has posted that he would pay big for pictures of the Hale-Stilinski wedding. It was going to be a small wedding, at a private place so getting pictures was going to be tough.

Then his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hello." A voice replied, "I have pictures of the wedding." The voice was accented thickly.

"Good to hear. We're in business." The paparazzi smiled. "How much are you asking for?"

"Five million dollars." The voice said.

Then another voice could be heard over the phone, someone in the room could be heard, "Five million what are you talking about?"

"I can't give you that much." The paparazzi said.

"Four million then." The accented voice suggested.

"Why do you have that accent?" The other person said. "It's a horrible accent."

"No it isn't, shut up." The accent said.

"It is. I do good accents though, what with being the actor."

"I am on the phone." The accent growled out.

"I can't do four either." The paparazzi said, cutting into their conversation.

"Why are you even bargaining money, Derek? We don't need any." The one person said.

"It's for charity." Accent said. "Fine, how much can you do?"

"In the low thousands." The paparazzi said.

"Are you talking to some paparazzi?" The background voice asked.

"Oh shi-" Then there was a noise of distress and a dial-tone.

The paparazzi stared at the phone.

Five minutes later, it rang again.

"Hello?"

"Hello. I'm back. Sorry about that. So five million?" A different accented voice said. If you asked the paparazzi it was the other person who had been in the room talking now.

"I already said I can't give five million."

"So, six?" New accent asked.

"That's not how you bargain." A voice from the background spoke up. The one who had probably called the first time.

"It is now. Shhh. I am working." The accent had slipped for that bit, but came back when he was talking to the paparazzi, "One hundred thousand."

"Look." The paparazzi said, "Mr. Stilinski-Hale-"

"No. This isn't one of the Mr. Stilinski-Hales. This is an anonymous person." The man sounded panicked.

"-I can pay one hundred fifty per picture." The paparazzi finished.

He listened as both of the men had a conversation quietly with each other.

"Two hundred." Was the response, accent still in place.

"Deal."


End file.
